I'm a functioning member of society, or so I think. I can't keep a job. I'll work for like 2-3 months then I'll start feeling lazy and I'll quit. Then my money will start running low and I'll have to get a job to buy more weed. That's really messed up isn't it? I won't work just to have my own money. The first thought that pops into my head is to buy weed. I want to do so many things with my life. I want to be famous and rich. I'd settle for well known and comfortable actually. I just don't see any of that happening. Is this weed clouding my vision?

I have no ambition. It seems as if now I'm settling for anything. You know the saying. I don't know if any of this is making any sense. I'm just typing the first thing that comes to mind. If anybody decides to take the time to read this, then I hope you can identify with what I wrote and if you can't, then this wasn't meant for you. It was meant for the people who are going through what I am going through. There is somebody out there like you. I hope this is the first step for me to actually realize that there is something out there better for me, a drug free life. At least without the weed. I smoke cigarettes. Thanks for reading my thoughts.

KMG

Like you, all I can think of is where my next bag is coming from, and if I have to go without for a day or two, I feel like a junkie that just ran out of heroin. I did not intend to end up like this. I have lots of things I'd rather do with my life, but I can't seem to get past this need to numb my feelings. I have no desire to do anything if I'm not stoned. It seems like I can't have fun if I'm not high. I have tried hard to figure out what it is in my mind I'm trying to escape from, but so far, it just seems like I have an emptiness that desperately needs to be filled.

I am so tired of spending the equivalent of a car payment a month on weed, and it seems to just make me stupid. I used to be smart and funny, now I only make sense to myself. I am a wake-and-baker, and I get high while at work. I have not lost my job over it, but if I don't learn how to control my behavioral problems, I may one day be out the door.

In defense of marijuana, I must say that it helps me deal with anger control. One minute I'm pissed as hell about something, then I get high and I'm all about peace. But I'm probably just fooling myself. Marijuana use is probably half the cause of my anger problems, if not more. Marijuana also makes me see things from a deeper perspective. Unfortunately, I absolutely love it, but I'm so tired of its hold on me and I wish I could quit.

I quit smoking cigarettes three years ago, and have no intention of starting back, and I don't drink much due to stomach problems. I think quitting marijuana would be easier if I had another addiction to fall back on, but I don't. Maybe one day I'll be able to function normally without anything chemical to get by, but for now I take it day by day. Thanks for sharing your story! It's good to know I'm not alone.

SAW

I never thought of the day I would say my name and after that comes "I am an Alcoholic and an Addict," but that day finally came and I am not proud of it either. It has ruined my life so bad. I have been arrested, I am on probation until I am 18 years old, I have to go to a detention home soon, and my family has totally lost respect and trust of me. My mom's brothers and sisters don't want anything to do with me anymore because of what I have made of myself. On the other hand, my dad's side of the family, well some of them want to help me through this and are very supportive of me trying to change my ways. I am not even allowed to see my cousins because of what I do.

I have been in mental hospitals, and I have woken up in the hospital in the middle of the night, and to this day I don't remember that night very good. Luckily, my brother saved my life. I almost died that night. If I didn't get there when I did, I wouldn't be here right now writing. I have had so many close calls because of the drugs and alcohol that I have used. I keep telling myself that it is time to stop, and I try, but it just doesn't seem to work. I end up fu––ing up again. Sooner or later, hopefully sooner, I will change. I want to change because this sh–– is not right. I have so much to look forward to in the future, and the main thing is that I want to stop hurting my family. Well, thanks for your time.

The cost is immense, so I sell on the side to smoke at a reduced price. I only sell to friends, but I know it is only a matter of time before I am caught and screwed over. I don't know what to do. I can't quit, but I don't really want to. I just want to have a normal life and be able to think straight and remember things like where I put my keys. I realized I had a problem last night when I was outside Wal-Mart smoking a joint. This isn't good. It's bad enough that I smoke on my way to class, but outside Wal-Mart? Wake and bake, yeah it's like no matter what I have to do that day, I have to smoke first. Smoke before I shower, do laundry, go to class, eat anything, I have to smoke first. Sometimes I wish I had never started. I smoked herb recreationally for a while, then I had really bad insomnia and nothing was working. I was so sleep deprived that I was hallucinating regularly, none of my doctor's medications worked. So I told him I was just going to buy some herb and he said OK, so I did, and now I smoke an ounce a week. Believe me, I can't sleep without it. I don't know why I am writing these discursive thoughts, I am just rambling. But I think anyone who's smoked pot for long enough has a tendency to ramble.

Cheers,
Nick

I really don't know about your side of it, but I do know the other side of the picture. You see, my boyfriend smokes weed. I don't think he gets my point of view sometimes. I love my boyfriend as much as I love myself, but he has a huge problem. Or at least I do with his smoking. Of course, being that I'm a teenager and have friends that do the same, I've got to admit I have tried it myself. But I noticed right away that people change when they're on that drug. For god's sake, I even forgot where I left my keys. I didn't like that felling, so I've never done it again in my life.

I guess I don't really get my boyfriend's side, but I can understand it. It just hurts me so much to see my boyfriend like that. It's like I always say, "he changes on me" and I really hate that. I remember on one of our anniversaries watching his sister, his sister's boyfriend, his pot buddy (that's what I call him), and him just getting high. My boyfriend was a different person. It's like he was taken over by something and he didn't care to fight it. We even got to the point of leaving each other. Right now I'm trying to help him, but he sees no wrong in it. Now he just doesn't do it around me, but even over the phone I can notice the change. I guess what I'm trying to say is think of the people around you, don't just think of yourself. You don't know how much it hurts to see a person that you care about like that. It hurts that you're seeing it being done and you can't do anything about it. Never give up, try to look at the world with different eyes, not just your point of view, or at least understand.

RNL

Also, once you start producing something, instead of your body producing it, your body thinks you got that part covered and decides to let you handle it. I don't know about the rest of you, but I didn't start smoking pot because I was depressed. I did it for the first time in 6th grade without even knowing what the hell I was doing. I started to do it habitually in 8th and 9th grade, and before I knew it, during my senior year, the longest I had gone without smoking in three years was one day. I finally got kicked out of school and grounded for it. That still didn't stop me. Every time I got away from my parents, I had my head outside my window, smoking a bowl. My parents finally caught on, and since my dad is a doctor, he had my peeing in a cup whenever he wanted.

I finally decided that the only way I was ever going to get out of my house was to quit, and so I did. I still smoke every once in a while (every couple of months), but sadly, I have only balanced out my addiction to pot with alcohol. Not to mention the fact that I recently got a DUI. I guess I am not being much help to anybody, but what I can say is that the only way to quit is if you want to yourself. Try to take a step back and look at what you're doing. If you truly don't like what you see, you will take control, and if not...maybe its because you're high.

The job, fortunately, was a temporary position. But now I have found out that my weight (which those munchies over the past 14 years haven't helped) makes it harder to permanently get marijuana out of my system. I am leery of using masking agents because the health care industry looks for diluted urine and masking agents. Not only is this wake up call, but now I can't sleep. I have realized I have used marijuana to mask my depressing, limited social life problems. So now I am without a job until I can get marijuana out of my damn fat system and I'm depressed! You know, what I thought of as recreation has ruined my life to this date. Who would have thought! Lessons learned. Thanks for allowing me to vent.

I've found over the years, when I've been going through a time of heavy smoking, I actually get tired of being high and hazy, and back off for a few days. Not only does it give me a better perspective, it takes a lot less smoking subsequently to get and maintain a great buzz. I do know that it can be a great help for depression, which to some extent, I've dealt with during my life. But it can also enhance WHATEVER mood you're in. I love to smoke weed, but then I also love the high of activities which don't involve smoking, like bicycle and motorcycle riding, sex, reading a good story, watching a good movie.

I think some of you feeling controlled need to force yourself, somehow, even for a day or two, to NOT smoke that day and try to do something you (always/previously) enjoyed straight...just for the balance. Oh, by the way, I consider myself, other than my (unfortunately illegal) smoking, somewhat of a model citizen--responsible government supervisory job, own my own house, car, several motorcycles, etc. You CAN balance it--but it takes work!

I was one of you for almost 15 years. I have now been weed free for 16 years. Do I still miss the high?? Hell yes!! (But it's not addictive, right?) Don't give me the crap that you are thinking clearer or are more motivated. You're not. You are living in an illusion. Take it from someone who wasted so many years of her life. I'm almost 50 years old now. My life has more years behind it than in front and I'm just starting to live it now. Don't be fools.

One more test. If you think that you are so sure that people cannot tell you are high or how intelligent you think you are when you are high, try this. Stay straight and sit in a room and try to have a conversation with everyone that is high. Take a good hard look at them, because that is exactly how you are when you are high.

Well, that's all I have to say. I am in no way trying to offend anyone. An addiction is a very serious thing. Don't let weed be an addiction. Take control of it and use it for what it was designed for...to relax and open your mind.

First, start with ginseng (no joke!). Use maybe a little more than the directions say for the first days (to faster accumulate it in your system), then use as much as you feel you need for energy and clear thinking. At the same time, use 5-HTP (this one is the GREATEST for any MJ symptom). Take it regularly, say 50mg in the morning, 100mg after work and 100-200 before nighttime. It will make you feel NORMAL and happy.

Since marijuana is only emotionally addictive, you will find your emotions even better when on ginseng and 5-HTP than on MJ. This will definitely motivate you even further to stop smoking. REMEMBER, never blame MJ for your failures. When you manage to get off it, DON'T blame it, because if you smoke again, there is a slight chance of psychosis. Accept MJ for what it is, accept that it makes you slow thinking and lazy (it does very much in the long run). And if stopping cold turkey may not be your style, cut down slowly. You will sweat alot, though. But I say a strong ginseng supplement, possibly a dose of ginkgo, and a steady dose of 5-HTP will help you trough it with almost no withdrawal symptoms.

Been there, done that and it worked GREAT!

I started smoking up because it was fun, and it made me feel better. Now I smoke every day, normally at least 2 or 3 times a day. And I don't want to go one day without weed. Yes, I can if I HAVE to, but its sooo hard. Nothing should make you feel the way that weed does when you aren't high and are used to being high. I haven't been smoking pot for too long, and I am already not able to stop. Physically, yes I can, but I've always been mentally unstable, and now I am scared that if I stop I am going to try and kill myself. I say that simply because I am so used to being happy from a high, and I know the happiness is fake, but it still makes me feel better.

I need to stop and I know that. And I also know that if I have enough motivation to, I could. But pot makes you have no motivation and no desire to stop. Why stop doing something that makes you happy and care free? But now I can see what it is doing to my life already. I am a junior in high school and I had big plans when I got older. I always said NO MATTER what, I was going to college. And now I don't think that's going to happen. My family is getting torn apart because of me. And I am even thinking of dropping out of school, simply because I am too damn lazy to do the work and am failing.

Pot is addictive to ANYONE. If you even for a second think that it's not, then you are wrong. I have done other drugs before, but even those haven't been as addictive. Because with pot, when you first start, you don't realize how bad it really is for you, and you don't realize what will happen if you like being high more then being sober. It's scary to think of me in 5 years from now because I don't want to be smoking weed still then, but I know that I will be. I want help, but as it was already said, people will laugh you out of rehab. I know that this probably isn't much of a help, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. And if you really want to stop then you can. But you need to be strong, and you aren't going to be strong if you smoke weed. Good luck

I know that I've been addicted so badly I can't even compare what I've been going through because I don't know anyone who has been smoking like I have except my brother, and we used to think it gave us laughs. Meanwhile, I'm paranoid, I act out, I can't seem to remember sentences or finish them at times. I'm at this stage right now, and yes, for me it's like the moonwalk. I'm in uncharted territory. My wife has a Ph.D. on me so I can get through this with a level sense of logic. Even though my infant stages are beginning, I'm proud of my decision. And even though it seems like hell, in the long run, I'm going to be seeing things in a whole new light once I realize that everything I think, do, and feel now is foreign.

I've been hiding this in work. Although I hold a good job, I've been erratic and have had many drug problems. I don't give up. I am what you could call the ultimate warrior, for I slay myself then I pick myself up off the carpet and go right back at em'. For anyone who is remotely at this stage, please respond, for I need all the support I can get. I'm a drug addict who has been in denial since, well, the Nile! I've smoked and drank along with heavy drug usage all along, and despite it all, I'm the luckiest man alive. My health is good, my life is good and now I'm going to see it even better. Thanks for this page. It allowed me to not feel so all alone.

KMG and RNL, I understand exactly what you're going through. I started smoking pot for fun when I was 17. I too had a boyfriend who was into it, so I decided to try it one day. I guess curiosity got the best of me. For a while, I only smoked pot once every month or so. Then I graduated high school, and there was "a summer of change" so to speak. I went from smoking pot once a month, to three times a week. When I got to college, I made myself promise to only smoke once a month. I did it the first year, and it was really hard. I wanted to smoke everyday.

I had gotten a new boyfriend who also smoked pot (and we are still dating), but he smoked way more than my last one did. I'm not trying to blame my problem on him, but having the weed more available with someone who was always down for smoking made it a lot easier to smoke more. After smoking weed more, I began to notice things. I would dream less. I ate more. I couldn't really form coherent sentences. My best friends who went to different schools now look at me as "their stoner friend who says funny stoner things." The sad thing is, when I talk to them, I'm being serious. I'm not trying to be a funny stoner.

Also, all I do is talk about drugs. What a boring conversation. How much can you really talk about drugs? It just gets boring. I can't really find stimulating conversation when I'm stoned. When I realized that all I ever did was talk about drugs to other people, I saw that maybe smoking so much wasn't such a good thing. I also know that because I have a tendency to smoke with my friends in public, I'm going to get in trouble some day. I don't want that to happen. When I started my fall semester, I told myself that I wasn't going to smoke pot as much anymore, and I would try to quit. So far, I've been doing pretty good.

Now that I've cut back, I feel a little unmotivated, and a lot more depressed, but physically better. I was a person (and still am) who used pot to cover up problems that were bothering me. I still want to smoke every day and I think about it a lot, but I'm hoping that it will all pass and I will no longer be "the stoner friend" anymore.

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