I'm a college student and have somehow found my way to being a really good student...not exceptional, but good. This weed has caused me to put off my other priorities, like studying, in order to get high. Whats more, I find myself even more depressed than during my times of abstinence. After I smoke and I go a couple days without, or even when I wake up in the morning. I feel really, really down. So, it helps with the depression when I'm high...but when I'm not high, I'm even worse than I was. What do I have to do then? Get high some more of course!

And now recently, I've been smoking alone in order to relax and in order to function and be happy and funny and confident, not depressed. I'm trying real hard not to smoke. I want to smoke really bad. I know it will relieve this tension, suspense, and depression. But how will I feel tomorrow? Plus, I have probation. I've been able to prove myself to my officer and she is going to request that I be taken off probation. But I have to take drug tests. I've been able to pass them all these last two years, but just last month I failed one, barley but still. She's been cool with me and she's given me another month to make sure I can give her a clean one. And she's still going to ask for a modification. But isn't that so stupid that I would jeopardize everything, for what...weed. At times, I have had control. At others, I'm weak and can think of nothing else but to get high. Yes, weed I addictive. I wish I could have a place, a meeting house like AA, but where they wouldn't think of my problem as being insignificant.

My husband uses marijuana, and it has made our life very hard at times. He always says that he is not using when I confront him. I have to have the evidence in my hands to get him to own up. He has mood changes like being very lazy or he will get angry over something stupid and stay mad for weeks. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with it all. He can be a great husband or he can be so hard to be around. I wonder when he is crabby and angry if it is when he is not using and wishes he was. He is mad now and took off. I am sure he is using, but he will deny it. He is good at covering up and hiding it.

If you want to have a good relationship and make life work, I think that you should try N.A. and maybe think about going on some kind of depression medication from your doctor. Maybe that would help with the depression. That and N.A. for life. Marijuana is not something that will just go away. It will always be around the corner lurking. With help and faith, you can do it. Good luck.

--Living with an addict

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